One thing I’ve noticed among some women is a tendency either to prematurely assume that they’re having a “relationship” with a man despite evidence to the contrary, or to push for the guy to commit to having a relationship with them when all they’re doing is just dating.
That got me to thinking about what women should be looking for when they start feeling the urge to label what’s going on between them and a guy they’ve been seeing. Here’s what I came up with, between research and my own common sense:
- Four Month Minimum
- Frequency, Consistency, and Escalation
- Mutual Exclusivity
- Existence and Expression of Love
- Endurance Factor
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Tagged: dating • relationships • tests
When a relationship ends, women often spend a great deal of time asking themselves “Why?” and wondering if there is something inherently wrong with them which makes finding love so difficult. Here’s some useful wisdom that you can apply during those times when you start to question yourself in this way:
Don’t ask why. Ask what. What do you want from a man who loves you? And what did you get instead? That is all you need to know. Think about it. When you were dreaming about Mr. Right, did he forget to call you for weeks on end? Did he see other women? Did he spend more time with his buddies drinking beer and shooting pool than with you? Of course not. So he can’t be all that “right” for you, can he? Your dream man would never treat you so badly. So it follows that you should never let a real-life man treat you so badly either.
It’s time to see him as he is – Mr Wrong – not as you want him to be. Remember to look at his behavior as information about him, not as information about you. What did the behavior reveal about his attitudes, considerations, or intelligence? Was he as “ideal” as you had imagined? If you had not been the woman involved, what would you have thought of his behavior?
Does all this mean we should never work on ourselves at all? Of course not. But here’s the rule: make changes only to make yourself happy – not to get the guy or so that the next guy will find you more lovable. And at the very least, every time you don’t become some man’s loved one, make sure you treat yourself as your own loved one. Take good care of yourself until your perspective and energy are restored. Treat yourself just as you would have liked him to treat you. Reassure yourself that you are worth it. And don’t ask why. The only explanation you need is it’s not you, it’s him.
(From It’s Not You, It’s Him: The Zero-Tolerance Approach to Dating
)
Tagged: breakups • dating • men • self love • self-esteem
I first twittered this in five parts, but decided to post it here for the sake of permanency:
I received a picture text from a hot young cub I’ve not heard from in weeks (because he tripped my Bitch Switch on our last date).
The message was a shot of his penis, along with a note: “You didnt come and get your present…so im sending it to u :)”
My BlackBerry revealed that this was a mass text, sent to me and EIGHT other numbers! Nice move, jackass!
So, I decided to bust his balls, and replied ‘TO ALL’: “Wow one present for all nine of us! Should we blame the recession?”
His response: “Had to do some cut backs used to b more, now just 9, one for every inch :)”
Tagged: conversations • players • sex • text messages
I focus on myself, my life, my work, my hobbies.
I want someone to share my life with, but I’m not consumed by their absence from it.
Life is good, though perhaps not great. I am happy. I love myself.
Then you come along.
Suddenly, all I can think about is you. Happy, lucky, optimistic thoughts about what we might become together.
My focus shifts to you. What can I do to give you what you want and need to be happy (with me)?
I stop loving me, and start loving you.
I stop relying on myself for contentment and happiness, and start relying on you for these things.
I abandon myself, and I want you to abandon yourself (to attend to me)!
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Tagged: abandonment • happiness • love • relationships • self-esteem
