The Latest Round of Buffoons, Part 2
This conversation took place entirely by text message.
MB: How’s work?
EC: Good Hows it going
MB: Good here. Just relaxing.
EC: Hey what are YOU doing tomorrow
MB: I think my oldest son is coming to visit. Then every Sunday night I go to Cantina Laredo with a friend. What are YOU doing tomorrow?
EC: You
MB: ???
EC: I am doing you :-)
Ummmmmm. Oh really? Says who, you moron? So I turn to sarcasm, which sails riiiiiiight over his head and outta the ballpark:
MB: Well be sure and let me know it turns out. ;-)
EC: So you had complaints before???
*thud*
MB: One guy came too fast and he said it was my fault for moving too much. Does that count? But that wasn’t what I meant, silly.
EC: Yea cause you in for guys who never get it and they cum to fast get a man thats been there done that so he can last
EC: Like myself
MB: Oh is that the secret?
EC: You Havent figured that out yet and they so when you get older your :)
MB: Now your sentences don’t make sense lol. How do you know what I have and haven’t figured out? Hahaha
EC: Cause you men you choose are desperate and cum to fast
MB: That was ONE man. Others have done MUCH better than he.
EC: Lol sure :)
At this point, I was tempted to tell him just exactly HOW PHENOMENAL sex with my most recent lover had been — in excruciating, glorious, multi-orgasmic, soaked-sheet detail — and end it with a “there’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that you’d never in a million years be able to outdo him - NEVER.” But oddly enough, I felt that doing so would be to abuse the memory of such fantastic sex. Plus, I suspected he wouldn’t even have believed me anyway, which would only irritate me all the more. So, I stuck to sarcasm:
MB: Want their numbers? :)
EC: Yea cause you didnt enjoy it and your on a search for a good one
MB: Now you’re just talking outta your ass lol
EC: Yea you will see im an not
MB: In my experience the ones who feel the need to brag about how good they are tend to be the worst at actually doing it. ;-)
EC: I never once bragged just told you about what you pick
MB: But you don’t know anything about what I pick. Bad sex has NOT been the issue. Not even close.
EC: Well if a guy comes to fast with you what else do I need to know :)
By this point, I’m completely agitated by both his arrogance AND his typos - if he’s this much of a tool before he’s even met me AND when he should be on his best behavior, I can’t imagine what he’d be like after the new wears off. Asshole much?
So, I say nothing further to him in reply. Being the insightful intellectual that he was, he didn’t take the hint too well, and sent another text a few hours later, at 1:30 in the morning no less:
EC: Hey are YOU up
Why yes, yes I was, but there was no way in hell I was about to tell him that. And when he called me two days later, and texted me a couple more times after that, I could have cared less. Meh.
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