moody bitch seeks nice guy

I focus on myself, my life, my work, my hobbies.

I want someone to share my life with, but I’m not consumed by their absence from it.

Life is good, though perhaps not great. I am happy. I love myself.

Then you come along.

Suddenly, all I can think about is you. Happy, lucky, optimistic thoughts about what we might become together.

My focus shifts to you. What can I do to give you what you want and need to be happy (with me)?

I stop loving me, and start loving you.

I stop relying on myself for contentment and happiness, and start relying on you for these things.

I abandon myself, and I want you to abandon yourself (to attend to me)!

My focus turns to what I think I should be getting from you, and how unhappy I am that I’m not getting what I need (anymore).

Your focus is on you, your life, your work, your hobbies.

And I find myself waiting, waiting, waiting for you to give your focus (and love) to me.

I become increasingly frustrated, obsessed with getting what I need (from you). I start to shut down, become angry and resentful.

Because I am no longer the happy, independent woman who attracted you initially, you start to withdraw.

Because I can (by now) recognize the signs of a man’s impending departure, I withdraw as well.

Either you leave, or I leave, or we both leave; and our relationship is no more.

I feel abandoned and unloved.

Healing takes time, but eventually, I remember who I was before you came along.

I focus on myself, my life, my work, my hobbies.

I want someone to share my life with, but I’m not consumed by their absence from it.

Life is good, though perhaps not great. I am happy. I love myself.

I had love and happiness when we started; I have them back again now that we are through.

So, where did they go during our time together?

The light bulb turns on.

My fear of abandonment has nothing to do with you, or the man before you, or the one before him, or the one before the one before him.

It has everything to do with where I look for what I need and want, for what will make me feel loved, for what will make me happy.

When I am not in a relationship, I look inside myself for these things.

When I am in a relationship, I look outside myself for these things.

You didn’t take these things from me; I gave them up, expecting you to take over my job.

You didn’t abandon me; I abandoned myself, long before you were out of the picture.

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Tagged: abandonment • happiness • love • relationships • self-esteem