Overcoming Low Self-Esteem And Dealing with Jerks

Over on Baggage Reclaim, a reader, Kim2, posted this comment:

Why do we waste time with men like this?…I believe it is low self-esteem and low expectations but I don’t know how to correct that. How to get so proud of yourself and respect yourself enough to not waste time on jerks.

Here’s my answer, and it’s surprisingly simple:

You just make the decision not to waste time on jerks, and act on that decision when you are faced with one!

When you waste time on a jerk, do you feel proud of yourself?

When you waste time on a jerk, do you respect yourself?

Of course you don’t! It’s a vicious loop and the way you escape it is to break your participation in the perpetuation of the loop. You develop high self-esteem and high expectations by acting like a woman who has these things already – and a woman who has these things already would not waste time on jerks!

A woman who has high self-esteem would laugh in the face of a man who treated her poorly. So laugh in his face.

A woman who has high expectations would walk away from a man who treated her poorly. So walk away.

Would a woman with high self-esteem call up a man who left her, crying and begging for him to return? No, she would not…so hang up the damn phone!!

Would a woman with high expectations keep seeing a man who is seeing another woman? No, she would not…so tell him “You can’t have us both, I’m outta here.” and then get the hell outta there!

The foundations of self-esteem and self-love, and the forming of high expectations, are all based, in whole or in part, on what behavior you will tolerate, whether from yourself or others. If you are willing to tolerate poor treatment from others, then that sends a powerful message to your own psyche about your self-worth.

Furthermore, you are not only being treated badly by them, but by putting up with it, you are guilty of self-abuse. You become a willing participant in your own mistreatment!!

Fortunately, the opposite effect is also true: if you refuse to put up with nonsense, you are sending your psyche a message that you love yourself too much to put up with it. And the less you put up with it, the more you will come to feel love for yourself, and the less you’ll put up with it! You’ve just broken the old cycle and created a new one!

So, stop worrying about his behavior so damned much, and focus on your own. Stop asking yourself “Why do I put up with jerks?” and simply stop putting up with them.

Vow today that you will start acting like a woman with high self-esteem would act. If you start to act as if you already have confidence, self-esteem, and self-love, pretty soon, you’ll find that you do have all of these things for real.

Tagged: confidence • dating • dealing with jerks • self love • self-esteem