When a relationship ends, women often spend a great deal of time asking themselves “Why?” and wondering if there is something inherently wrong with them which makes finding love so difficult. Here’s some useful wisdom that you can apply during those times when you start to question yourself in this way:
Don’t ask why. Ask what. What do you want from a man who loves you? And what did you get instead? That is all you need to know. Think about it. When you were dreaming about Mr. Right, did he forget to call you for weeks on end? Did he see other women? Did he spend more time with his buddies drinking beer and shooting pool than with you? Of course not. So he can’t be all that “right” for you, can he? Your dream man would never treat you so badly. So it follows that you should never let a real-life man treat you so badly either.
It’s time to see him as he is – Mr Wrong – not as you want him to be. Remember to look at his behavior as information about him, not as information about you. What did the behavior reveal about his attitudes, considerations, or intelligence? Was he as “ideal” as you had imagined? If you had not been the woman involved, what would you have thought of his behavior?
Does all this mean we should never work on ourselves at all? Of course not. But here’s the rule: make changes only to make yourself happy – not to get the guy or so that the next guy will find you more lovable. And at the very least, every time you don’t become some man’s loved one, make sure you treat yourself as your own loved one. Take good care of yourself until your perspective and energy are restored. Treat yourself just as you would have liked him to treat you. Reassure yourself that you are worth it. And don’t ask why. The only explanation you need is it’s not you, it’s him.
(From It’s Not You, It’s Him: The Zero-Tolerance Approach to Dating
