I first twittered this in five parts, but decided to post it here for the sake of permanency:

I received a picture text from a hot young cub I’ve not heard from in weeks (because he tripped my Bitch Switch on our last date).

The message was a shot of his penis, along with a note: “You didnt come and get your present…so im sending it to u :)”

My BlackBerry revealed that this was a mass text, sent to me and EIGHT other numbers! Nice move, jackass!

So, I decided to bust his balls, and replied ‘TO ALL’: “Wow one present for all nine of us! Should we blame the recession?”

His response: “Had to do some cut backs used to b more, now just 9, one for every inch :)”

Here’s an email exchange with a guy who found my profile on Match:

From him (no subject, but signed with his name):

Liked the part about the intellectual conversation. Not many women with looks who are into that.

My first reply (question refers to his choice of headline):

Oh, I’m more into the conversation than my looks – which is probably even more rare, I imagine. :)

So, what exactly were you born 100 years too late for?

His reply (which included his phone number and hotmail address):

Wellll the 100 years thing is my way of expressing that the world is too much of a safe place. And what I mean by THAT is my idea of living on the edge is not some instructor holding on to me on my first skydiving lesson on the way down, or a guided tour of something that someone made to make money off me or standing around a turnout vista while 30 oriental tourists are snapping pics. There’s nothing left to explore, there’s no freedom, no REAL freedom, like just going off into an unchartered territory. World is too tame.

Thoughts?

My reply (which took a few days since I was irritated by his reference to the “oriental” tourists – who still uses that adjective in this politically correct era?):

Hmmm. Well if none of those things fit your idea of living on the edge, then what does? :)

His answer:

Great sex ;)

Huh? Is he serious? How is having great sex “living on the edge”?

Or is this just the typical case of a guy who’s only looking for a hookup, and so he’s bringing sex into the convo as quickly as possible?

Either way, I’m already turned off to him, and so I don’t know how/if to reply. I’m just that fickle, I guess.

After exchanging a couple of harmless emails with a man on Match, I got this one from him today:

I’m sure this message will come completely as a surprise, but I am not going to be able to talk anymore. Over the last few days, I have felt the Lord calling me to reconcile with my wife. Though our talks have only been at a level of friendship, I feel like I need to completely end my communication. Please understand that this has nothing to do with you, but is my response to a prompting I’m feeling in my heart and a desire to be obedient to the Lord.

I couldn’t help it, I busted out laughing. And all I could think to say in response was, Trust me, if you’ve got that kind of relationship with the Lord, a reconciliation with your wife was going to be the least of our problems.

One thing I’m definitely not is deeply religious, and in all honesty, I’m rather contemptuous of those who are. It’s one thing to rely on a faith in something (or “someone”) bigger than yourself to get you through your everyday life, or to help you rationalize things you may not otherwise be able to explain (such as the miracle of birth, or the tragedy of death). It’s quite another to go on and on about it until you start to sound like a candidate for a padded room.

Most of all, I’m just not impressed by a man who uses “the Lord” as a scapegoat for his own ambivalence.

“At first I tried the seniors’ dances,” said McConnell, 63, who lives in Ontario. “They’re meat markets.” On the website Wired Seniors, she met several older men, including an 83-year-old who sent her $1,000 to cover the cost of a visit to California. A 70-year-old from Canada wooed her, too. She said both men used Viagra, although with limited success.

Eventually, she met a 69-year-old male friend for occasional romantic trysts. “We get it on in his truck. This is purely sex,” said McConnell, who added that she enjoyed staying single and having the freedom to date around. (Suddenly Senior)

All I can say is: I hope that when I’m 93, I’ll have an 86 year old boyfriend too!

HE: Have you missed me?
ME: Just as much as you’ve missed me! ;)
HE: So your horny too..lol
ME: Oh is that what that feeling is? LMAO